 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
 |
Surviving Life After Divorce
After divorce, the most important thing you can do is to move forward sensibly. Here are ten steps to help you on your way back to a fulfilling life. 1. Think single. As obvious as it may seem, you're no longer one half of a couple and that can take some getting used to. After all, life as a single woman is very different to the life you've been leading for a major part of your life. Take time to understand the changes that are happening in your life and don't expect it to be easy. 2. Remind yourself that it's ok to be single. In a society where single women are often looked down at by their married peers, they can easily find themselves believing that they're failures; that "real" women are involved in loving, lasting relationships. That simply isn't true. More and more women are choosing to remain single, or to break out of unfulfilling relationships, something which shows strength rather than weakness. Surviving means believing in yourself and your capabilities as a single woman. 3. Don't try to get even. No matter how angry you are at your partner, even if he's been unfaithful to you, don't try to get your own back. You'll just end up exhausting your personal energy on something that isn't going to be the least bit fruitful. It certainly won't get him back but the bitterness will most likely stop you from moving on. You don't deserve that, so don't do it! Try to approach your anger in a sensible manner, one that will constructive in helping you back to a healthy, emotional state of mind. Writing down exactly what is making you angry and why can often help you to understand and deal with your feelings. Find a friend who'll listen and tell her how you feel. Anger needs an outlet, but revenge isn't a healthy way of venting it. 4. Accept that the relationship is over. When you're living alone and your partner has moved on, it should be easy to accept that it's over. Unfortunately, this is something that a lot of women have problems with. You may find yourself making excuses to visit him by forgetting things at his place or needing to discuss something trivial regarding the children. Don't crowd him. Talk to him when you need to, visit if you must, but be polite, keep your distance emotionally, and accept that you now lead separate lives. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you will be able to find happiness again. 5. Don't live in the past. No doubt you've got some great memories from your time together, you would never have stayed together as long as you did if there were never any good times. Remember them by all means, but don't dwell on them. If you find yourself wishing that everything could be "like that" again, give yourself a mental slap and remind yourself that there are some fantastic moments waiting for you in the future and that the past is nothing but a memory. You can learn from it but you can't change it or return to it. It's over. Gone. The future is what you should be thinking about now! 6. Don't drown yourself in guilt. You've probably said a few things that you didn't mean and now regret but you can't change that now. By all means apologise to your ex if it'll make you feel better, but don't expect your apology to change anything. Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. 7. Re-discover yourself! How much of yourself did you give up during your relationship? Did you find yourself bending over backwards to satisfy your partner? Now is the time to start living for you! Doing the things that make YOU happy will increase your self-confidence. Get a new hair-cut, re-arrange the furniture, enrol on a course. Do anything you like, but do it for YOU. 8. Sort out your finances. Your financial situation is bound to have changed and it's important that you know exactly how much you have coming in. It's easy to start over-spending while you're wallowing in your self-pity. A little extra indulgence here and another there; it's easy to fall into the trap so don't be tempted. Getting yourself into debt will just make your life as a single woman unnecessarily difficult. If your income is low (or non-existent) contact Social Services Benefits Advice Service or your local Citizens Advice Bureau. They will have somebody available to assess your needs and help you claim any benefits that you may be eligible for. 9. Don't become lonely. You may have found that your "couple friends" no longer invite you over or that your married friends don't have the time to do the things you suggest. Don't panic. This is perfectly normal and as time passes you will gradually find new friends. Whatever you do, be positive when you are with others as positive people always attract more friends. When you meet new people, they don't want to listen to "doom and gloom". They don't know you yet and will probably find it difficult to be sympathetic to a complete stranger. Be cheery and make them smile, people will remember and like you for that. 10. Don't get involved on the rebound! We've all heard it, but when you meet "that" guy, it's so easy to forget. Keep your dates light and remember that there is a broad line between getting to know a person and bonding a close, intimate relationship. Don't try to jump that line, it's there to be crossed slowly. When you try to cross it too quickly you'll be forcing the relationship and forced relationships rarely last. Yes, I know there are some whirlwind romances that have survived the test of time, but those are the exception, rather than the rule. I've been married, single and a live-in partner. All sorts of relationships have their good and bad sides. When you're single you might yearn for the stability of marriage; when you're married you may envy the freedom of your single friends. Whatever happens, whether you choose to remain single or forge a new relationship, don't keep comparing your life with that of your friends. You're unique - your life is exceptional! Enjoy it! About The Author Sharon is a freelance writer living in South Cheshire, England. Having been through both a divorce and the breakdown of a long-term relationship, she understands what's involved in the aftermath. To contact Sharon or to learn more about her work, please visit http://www.sharon-jacobsen.co.uk
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
3 Major Divorce Parenting Mistakes And Learn How To Avoid Them What 3 major divorce parenting mistakes that surely lead to unhappy, unhealthy and unsuccessful children? Parents know these for your children seek.1. Women And Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the near future. If women who believe that the "divorce discussion" may be lurking, they should make it a point to look for solid signs that their husband will indeed ask for a divorce. Advantages to Doing Your Own Divorce There are many advantages to doing your own divorce. Three significant ones are: you'll get a better divorce, you'll save a lot of money, and you'll be able to keep things simple. Divorce Online Sevice - Why Should We Lose Money And Time Applying For Divorce? Attempts to use the worldwide Web as an effective means of struggle against bureaucracy are undertaken constantly and sometimes successfully. Today it is possible to fill in a tax declaration, apply for bankruptcy or to receive a legal consultation. How to Use a Divorce Lawyer You want three things in your divorce attorney: expertise in divorce, reliability, and a good attitude. You want a lawyer who specializes in divorce (at least 50% of his/her case load), and unless you're expecting a no-holds-barred battle, you want a lawyer trained in divorce mediation who practices it professionally. There Is Life After Divorce A married woman becomes a single woman for one of two reasons: death or divorce. The former is an honourable state, the latter is not. Marriage Seperation - A Practical Guide Finance in marriage seperation is a very big issue particularly with regards to the mortgage and household bills. When marriage seperation is inevitable obviously both parties need somewhere to stay and often it can be quite difficult to sell one property and then try to finance two. How To Identify What The Question Should I Get a Divorce? Means To You Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself "should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your relationship's state for a while or an isolated incident (an example is an extramarital affair) that occurred was so terrible, that you want to just chuck it all and start over with a new life!If you have been asking yourself "should I get a divorce?" for any length of time, you should figure out what is making you feel that way if you haven't already. How Can Collaborative Law Be Beneficial In Your Texas Divorce? Collaborative law is based on the realization that the commitment by the parties in a family is that it is in their best interest to avoid going to trial.This process relies on open and honest communication and cooperation between the parties and their lawyers to achieve a fair result. The Impact of Divorce on Families As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many individuals, couples, and families who are affected by divorce. I see the devastating effects that breakups can have and am dedicated to helping people develop the skills to cope with experiences like divorce. Alienation of Affection - Interference with marriage can cost big bucks in North Carolina Non-lawyers are often surprised to learn that a spouse can sue for money damages in North Carolina based on allegations of emotional harm caused by a third party to the marital relationship. These lawsuits for "alienation of affection" and/or "criminal conversation" are usually brought by the innocent spouse against the guilty spouse's lover; but an alienation action may also be brought against someone like an in-law or other near relative who has advised a defecting spouse to leave the marital relationship. Grieving the End of Your Marriage, as You Know it The pain of finding out that your partner is cheating on you can be the worst pain you'll feel in your entire life. What is happening to you, you may wonder. 5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce Life after divorce is something that most people who are going through divorce think about. Thinking about having a life after divorce or thinking about how your life will be after divorce, are common because people tend to fear for themselves. What Are You Waiting For? So, you've decided that you're no longer "a couple", but for whatever reason, you and your spouse have decided to stay together "for the sake of the children".Isn't that what the children need? Don't they need the strength of a two parent household in this mad society that we live in? Don't they need the emotional assurance that Mom AND Dad are together? Don't they? Or do they?When my ex and I decided to divorce, we decided that he should probably live in the house with the children and I, for their sakes. Guide To Reducing The Cost Of Divorce Seven Tips to help you keep more of your money at a time when you especially need it to support two households instead of one.Educate yourself. Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce? Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you're trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a marriage problem, you could be in for a hurtful time if you don't take a step back and look at your marriage problem from a "helicopter" viewpoint. Anatomy of a Divorce: How it Really Works The legal divorce vs. your real divorce The legal divorce has very limited concerns: to get a judgment of divorce, you have to make arrangements for your property, your children, and support (if any). Tax & Financial Impacts of Divorce: 10 Mistakes to Avoid Divorce is something no one hopes will happen to them when they get married. Unfortunately, almost half of all marriages end in divorce. How To Protect Your Life Insurance Policy While Going Through A Divorce Life insurance, more than most things you buy, relates to the circumstances of your life. You buy life insurance to protect your family from financial loss stemming from your death. Divorce--Negotiating Agreement: Ten Steps The best predictor of a good divorce outcome is the degree of client control over the negotiation--everything works much better if you have it. This doesn't mean you should not get help and advice from an attorney if you want it; it means you are better off if you plan to do most or all of the negotiating yourself.
|
|
|
 |
 |
