 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
 |
Why Therapy Fails Sometimes
I saw a couple for marriage counseling this week, and when I asked them if they had ever seen anyone else for counseling they said they had worked with two other therapists. They had seen one therapist on and off a few years back. They had seen the other one only a few times. They couldn't even remember her name. I asked what they had gotten from counseling, and much to my chagrin, came a far too typical response: "Nothing." Why doesn't therapy make an impact? Why do people who see a counselor week after week continue to be bogged down with the problems they initially came in with? Sometimes the therapist just isn't very good. She may be supportive and understanding of her clients' problems, but her skills don't go far enough. She's unable to confront the woman who talks on and on or to tell the man he's out of line with his anger. Or that he needs to stop drawing attention to himself by butting in. Sometimes, too, the therapist is good at helping to identify the problem but is not skilled in coming up with suggestions as to what the person can do to change. Counseling may also fail because the person going may only be interested in proving it's someone else's fault. Once the therapist hones in on what the person is doing to cause part of the problem, the individual cancels all future therapy sessions. Later on she can be overheard at a party saying how therapy doesn't work. Sometimes therapy is seen as ineffective because the original goal for going cannot be achieved. For example, a woman is involved in a terrible marriage. She and her husband fight constantly, he runs around on her, he won't come to therapy, and because of religious reasons she's unwilling to get a separation or divorce. In this case the therapist is limited. He can help the woman explore what she gets from fighting. Perhaps it's a pattern she learned in childhood or a fear of closeness. The therapist can teach the woman how to pick her fights instead of engaging in every fight that comes along. He can teach her how to stay on the topic when she and her husband have a disagreement, which will limit the length and intensity of their fighting. And he can help her learn to identify other areas of her life where she will find fulfillment. He can certainly help her cut down the arguments in her marriage. What he can't do is stop the husband from running around. Sometimes therapy is ineffective because the person going is not willing to put in the energy to make needed changes. He may be willing to come talk about the problem - shyness, loneliness, anxiety, difficulty on the job - but he's unwilling to do what it takes outside of the therapy session to make therapy effective. He won't put himself in a situation where he can meet new people. He refuses to update his skills so he can find a different job. He won't explore other jobs, and he refuses to talk to his boss about his unhappiness. Therapy is a little like going to the doctor. You want to choose a doctor that has a good reputation. Once you go, you explore your symptoms with the doctor - when they first appeared, how long you've had them, what you've tried in the past. The doctor makes a diagnosis and prescribes treatment. You follow the treatment plan and take your medication. If the medication doesn't work, you work on another course of action. You continue to consult the doctor for other treatment plans or you try a different doctor until you get the problem solved. Doris Wild Helmering is a St. Louis psychotherapist in private practce. She has written eight books, numerous magazine and newspaper articles on the topics of marriage, relationships and families. Doris guides her clents with calm and sensitivity and solution directed action plans. Visit Doris at http://www.doriswildhelmering.com/blog She'll make you want to change.
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
You Have A Choice I'm a relationship coach and, unlike most, I deal with those 'other' relationships. Of course, I make love happen without wings and an arrow, but I really make a difference with business relationships, family relationships, community relationships, old and stale relationships and all the rest that we take for granted, lost or forgotten. Flying in the Slow Lane Dogs distrust hot air balloons. I gathered this tidbit as my husband and I floated over the mountains in a wicker gondola, listening to the barking chorus that followed us even 3,000 feet into the air. How to Give Yourself a Check Up From the Neck Up When was the last time you did some dedicated physical exercise?Many people have realised that our busy and stressful lives need some balance. They are flocking in droves to gymnasiums all over the country. THE Step to Working Smarter (Japanese Style) Remember that Coke contest from the 80s? If you collected bottle tops that had the letters to spell T-H-E R-E-A-L T-H-I-N-G, then youd win a zillion dollars.Im not sure where the drink industry turned the corner but contests and advertisements are no longer all you will find on the underneath side of bottle caps. How Can Sceptics Get the Proof They Need Are you one of those folks that needs to figure-it-out all the time? Are you one of those Law of Attraction students who catches yourself saying things like, "I wonder how this is going to come to me?" or, "What do I need to figure out so I know what to do next (to manifest what I desire)?" Attention Law of Attraction Students!Stop trying to figure out where/how/when your manifestation is going to come! It's not your job!Here's a great tool that will help all of you 'figure-it-outers' reduce your need to figure it out. Those of you who are thinkers need to see it or know it before you can fully accept that The Law of Attraction exists and is working in your life. Viewpoints - Communication Destruction Or.... Viewpoints! Everyone has them and they are personal. However, when you believe that only your view is correct, you shut out other people and do not listen to the facts they are giving. How to Crack a Daunting Task! If you have a daunting task and the mere thought of it overwhelms you, it's probably too big to implement directly and should be broken down into actionable parts. I find this happens to me frequently -- I see the big strategic goal that I want to achieve, but become paralyzed thinking about the size of the project. Eureka! I've Found It! OK, so it wasn't quite that big of a deal. But I did find the "T" that mysteriously escaped from the word "not" in one of my articles a few months ago. Worth Waiting For Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 22, 2002I am a 31-year-old virgin male. At times I feel sexually frustrated because I've never been intimate with a woman. Business Coaching Legacy: Reflections on What You Want to Leave Behind? Updating my will has been on my mind for quite some time now. Life circumstances change, kids grow-up, financial situations changes. How to be Your Authentic Self Most of us play many different roles in the course of any given day. We could be Mom, Boss, Employee, Student or Friend, to name just a few. Discovering Your Passion and Purpose "I can't seem to discover why I'm on the planet.""What is my purpose here? I know there's something I'm supposed to be doing, but I don't know how to find out what it is. Working With Choices Despite our skills, experience or expertise we can still make a meal out of making a choice!Here are some common reasons why people struggle to make choices, and some tips for making them easier.1. What Do You Have To Give? "Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly possessions. It's a mental attitude. A Quick Checklist for Improving Your Life 1. Learn About YouIf you don't know who you are and why you think and act the way you do, it's gonna be really difficult to make any positive changes in your life. More Money & Less Stress? At 2pm last Wednesday, I got a call from one of my clients. Before I could barely utter my "hello," she launched headlong into her story - "I am so frustrated! I have this client who has been dragging her feet at every stage of our project. Personal Core Values: Your Key to Success and Happiness Each of us has our own set of personal values; these are the things which we believe are important, which motivate us and to which we give priority. If I asked you what your personal values are, the chances are that you would struggle to find the answer. Success: Cant Achieve It By Yourself? Pay A Professional! So many people go through the motions of trying to achieve success. But just going through the motions doesn't work. The Rewards and Risks Of Personal Freedom We all need to decide whether to "play it safe" in life and worry about the downside, or instead take a chance, by being who we really are and living the life our heart desires. Which choice are you making?One of the first things I noticed about my newly purchased parrot, was that he couldn't fly. Helping Relationships: Understanding the Helpee One of the most distressing observations I have made among my social work colleagues, is the overwhelming proclivity on the part of many of us so-called helpers, to lack understanding and sensitivity to the position helpees are in when they agree to accept intervention.Many of us take "professionalism" out of context and become more of a burden to families than a helping resource.
|
|
|
 |
 |
